Peaceful protests. Riots. Curfew. 35% unemployment and talks of cutting benefits at the top of our government. Más social media that has admitted it is designed to polarize opinions. Armed civil war is on our doorstep. The Water Protectors were the first battle. The women marched and nothing changed. People are still hungry. People are still dying. Now the race riots. I'm grateful. If this is what it takes to change, then as sad as it is, I hope it escalates.
I'm realizing I'm not an A grade anything. I'm mostly B grade when I apply myself to things and that's OK. I don't have to be the best of the best to be useful and helpful and worthy of employment or motherhood or anything really. I think Zen practice is helping me unravel some of my conditioning towards societal success. Which feels really good. But it's definitely uncomfortable at times.
My little boy pulled out his tarot cards this morning. The Death card was on top. Things are changing. Our friends moved out. Our family is reconnecting. Justice with 7 of Swords is a healing that's over due. It's uncomfortable. But it's good. Clearing out delusions we have about ourselves. Finally, Teiwaz. Direction. Feeling connected to the greater trajectory of life. Little truths are starting to pool together into greater ones. Enjoy the journey my friends, even the uncomfortable parts.💜🌜🐅
This morning I was actually so tired my mind was empty for a good long while without trying. It happened on my drive with my family the other day too. I noticed myself wanting to hear their ideas etc instead of just being in the moment, with the emptiness in my head. Funny how I work on it actively in meditation, but when it happens naturally I get uncomfortable. Like I only want peace of mind when I'm ready for it. Such a silly realization.
There was a poem on the Pacific Zen Institute newsletter and it inspired me.
I read your story,
about orange blossoms
and the young doctor who died.
Tears pooled in my eyes
until they ran down my cheeks.
I looked up into the spring,
New Green on the trees,
and the tears running down my cheeks
met over my naked heart.
And became one stream.
Accountant. Mom. Musician. Dancer. Mystic. Meditating in various disciplines. Exploring the divine within and without. Crunching numbers to make the things go.
Zen Buddhism, green socialism, urban monasticism, art, writing, contemplation, compassion in action. Life as it is, the only teacher.